Trizzy’s Mindspray: Pretzels

Posted on Jul 17th, 2008 in Mindspray by A-Trak

Ever since the Seinfeld episode about “these pretzels are making me thirsty” I’ve had what you could call a mild obsession with pretzels. I don’t actually eat them much, I just like talking about pretzels. Good conversation starter. But upon closer inspection my rapport with pretzels is very peculiar. I really like big pretzels, the soft kind you’d get at a ball game with cheese dip, but I really dislike the small, dry kind they give you on the plane. I can’t think of any other food that I love so much in one variation but find so yucky in the other. The big ones are so chewy, you can practically see steam come out when you take a bite. The small ones are so bland, what’s the point? They provide zero satisfaction.

I don’t even think they should share the same name. They only do because of their shape. (Sidebar: “Pretzel Logic” is an excellent Steely Dan album.) But aside from that shape they’re actually really different foods, which is what makes it possible for me to have these drastically different feelings. I was racking my brain trying to think of another food name that applies to such varied types. I came up with pepper. Red and green “bell” peppers are really different from jalapenos. And let’s not even talk about the spices: black pepper, cayenne… I could easily conceive someone loving one kind of pepper but hating another. Not me though, I like ‘em all.

So I guess it’s back to pretzels. Fuck Rold Gold, give me Auntie Anne’s.

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